How I Met Harry Potter
by thenextjaneausten07
Summary: What happens when you mix Neville, Snape, an OC, the boy-who-lived, and a body-switching potion? Absolute Chaos; Harry/OC


**Disclaimer: I only own Lauri, Jake, and Brenda Flatts.

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Chapter 1:

Lauri would have never thought that a Potions incident could cause this much chaos, though it wasn't all chaos. Why don't we start in the beginning? Why? Because that's always a good place to start, in our book. Her name is Lauren Dorny, but call her anything besides Lauri and she'll curse you. And this is the story of how Lauri and our favorite Boy-Who-Lived owe their happiness to Neville Longbottom.

It was mid-November and Su and Lauri were walking to Potions with the Gryffindors. " Did you hear?" Su asked excitedly. " Kevin asked Lisa out this morning, and she said no." " What? Why?" Lauri asked. Lisa was crazy about Kevin.

" Well, apparently, Lisa overheard Stephen talking to Ernie Macmillan about how he'd dared one of the guys in his dorm to ask her out, and Lisa thought it was Kevin, but then Terry asked her like a minute after Kevin, so Lisa said no again and is trying to talk to Kevin, but he is ignoring her," Su explained.

Su knew everything about the population of Hogwarts. She knew every drama, big and small, that went on from a fist fight between two Slytherin first years to rigged voting on the Hogwarts Cutest Couple. Of course, that was why Padma and Mandy flocked to Su, despite the fact that she ignored them.

" That's so awful," Lauri said. " I can't believe Terry would do that…" " Really?" Su asked. " It is Terry." " I know, but that's so mean. What if Lisa had said yes?" Lauri asked. Su shrugged and said," She wouldn't have, Lauri. Everyone knows that." " Yeah, but still…"

By that time, the two girls had reached the Potions dungeons and Professor Snape let the class in. " Come in, sit down, be quiet, and begin. The instructions are on the board." " Well good day to you too," Su murmured under her breath, making Padma, Lavender Brown, Padma's sister, Parvati, and Mandy giggle.

Su has this odd insistence that if Professor Snape would wash his hair and smile, he'd be cute. No one really agreed with her, but no one dares contradict her, so she had no idea that they all thought she was insane.

" 5 points from Ravenclaw, Miss Li," Snape barked, returning to his desk as Su and Lauri took their usual seats in the very back. Su pouted and Lauri elbowed her. " Let's just work on the Potion." " Fine," Su said. " You're no fun, Lauri." " Thanks, Su," Lauri said sarcastically, dropping the first ingredient in the cauldron.

They worked quietly for the next few minutes, meaning Lauri read the instructions, added ingredients, stirred the potion, and Su sat day-dreaming, probably about her boyfriend, Anthony.

" Not bad, Greengrass," Snape commented, coming down the rows and looking at the Potions. " What on is this, Potter?" he asked as he reached Harry Potter and Ron Weasley's cauldron, the cauldron in front of Su and Lauri. " It's supposed to be blue, not orange." " Pro… Professor?" Neville Longbottom, the cauldron beside theirs, asked in fear.

" What, Longbottom?" Snape asked sharply. Neville managed to say, " What if it's red?" before Hermione Granger yelled, " Duck!" Su grabbed Lauri's book and held it over her face, as many did, as the bright red potion exploded. Without her book to shield her, Lauri's face got soaked in the potion and the last thing she remembered was Su exclaiming, " Lauri!"

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Groaning, Harry Potter opened his eyes to find himself in the Hospital Wing. " What the hell was in Neville's Potion?" " Ah, Miss Dorny," Madam Pomfrey said. " You're awake." " Excuse me?" Harry asked. Who was Miss Dorny?

" Your brother just left a few minutes ago," she continued, checking to see if he had a fever. " He wanted me to tell you to see him the second you get out of the Hospital Wing." " My brother?" Harry asked in confusion.

Madam Pomfrey nodded and rechecked Harry's temperature. " Jacob," she told him. " Are you feeling alright, Miss Dorny?" " Who is Miss Dorny?" Harry asked irritably. " I'm Harry. Harry Potter. I'm in here every other week. You know me, Madam Pomfrey."

The Matron gasped and said, " I need to talk to the Headmaster. Stay right here Mr. Potter." " What…?" Harry started, but Madam Pomfrey was already in her office. Turning, Harry grabbed the glass of water off his nightstand, but as he raised the glass to his lips, he realized something: He wasn't that pale.

That was when Harry felt the hair. Looking down, he gasped. His hair, more brown then usual, reached down to his sides in waves. And then Harry realized in even more horror: He had breasts.

Harry searched for a mirror and climbed out of bed, running to the nearest one and gasping in horror. His glasses were gone and his eyes weren't green. They were a bluish grey. Harry was a lot shorter, really a lot shorter, maybe 5'1". He had girly curves and his facial features were softer, more rounded. Even Harry's scar wasn't gone. He wasn't Harry Potter anymore.

" Where am I?" Harry heard a voice ask. Turning around, he gasped again for probably the fifth time in a minute. Harry was sitting up in a Hospital Bed. Or more, his body was sitting up. " Who are you?" He… his body asked in horror. Harry walked over and said, " Harry Potter. Or, apparently, now I'm Miss Dorny."

His head shook and said, " I'm Lauri Dorny. Why do you look like me?" " Probably the same reason you look like me," Harry told her. Lauri stood up and ran to the same mirror he'd been at moments before. " Oh Merlin," she said, and, sensing she was about to pass out, Harry managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

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When Lauri awoke again, it was to voices. By her bedside sat Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, and Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, and herself… or Harry. " What… What's going on?" Lauri asked.

" Miss Dorny, it seems that when Mr. Longbottom's potion exploded, you and Harry were the only two hit and you switched bodies," Dumbledore said, cutting right to the chase. Lauri looked at him in ill-disguised horror as she asked, " Excuse me?"

McGonagall said, " We're trying to find a way to reverse this, Miss Dorny, but until then, you must pretend to be Mr. Potter, and he you." " Wait, so we're stuck like this?" Lauri asked, looking at Harry who didn't seem to be any happier than she was.

" So it appears," Flitwick said. " But don't worry, Miss Dorny. We'll have you two back in your own bodies in no time." " Can I tell Ron and Hermione?" Harry asked at the same time Lauri asked, " Can I tell Su?" " I'm afraid no one can know of this new development," Dumbledore said.

Harry seemed nervous as he asked, " What about Snuffles? And Christmas?" Lauri sensed this was something she shouldn't know about, as Dumbledore said, " I believe I'll inform him and the others, and we'll deal with Christmas when the time comes."

" Jake is going to murder me," Lauri moaned, and Dumbledore said, " Miss Dorny, you can't even tell Jacob. No one can know." Irritably, Lauri thought, ' If Harry's Snuffles guy can know, why can't my family, but I didn't say anything.

Dumbledore said, " I will leave the two of you to talk and learn more about each other. You will be released for dinner." " Okay, sir," Harry said, and he and Lauri watched as McGonagall, Flitwick, and Dumbledore left.

" So, Jake is your brother?" Harry asked. Lauri nodded and said, " He's my twin. He's in Hufflepuff." " Do you have any other siblings?" he asked, and Lauri said, " I have an older sister, Alli. She is twenty-seven, and doesn't talk to our family anymore, but you should know, if Jake mentions her."

Harry said, " That's harsh," and Lauri shrugged. " Who are your best friends?" he continued. Lauri said, " I hang out with Su Li, most of the time. The other girls in my dorm, Lisa Turpin, Morag McDougal, Padma Patil, and Mandy Brocklehurst, are okay friends of mine, but I wouldn't really consider any of them my best friend. And I hang out with Kevin Entwhistle a lot. You?"

" Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger," Harry said. " Ron has five older brothers, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, and Percy, and a little sister, Ginny, and the Weasleys are like my family. Fred and George are seventh years, and Ginny is a fourth year." " You live with you aunt, right?" Lauri asked, just to make sure.

Harry looked at her curiously and she added, " Don't be disturbed if Mandy goes off into a rant about how gorgeous you are." " Oh I'll try not to be," Harry said sarcastically as he added, " Yeah. My Aunt Petunia was my mother's sister. I live with her and my Uncle Vernon and my cousin, Dudley, Dursley. They're muggles, and they hate magic."

" That sucks," Lauri told him, and Harry nodded. Then he asked, " Do you play Qudditch?" " I'm terrified of heights," she admitted, hearing Harry groan. Then Lauri added, " I'm sure if you told Jake you wanted to learn to fly, he'd let you borrow his broom. It's not a Firebolt, but he has a Nimbus Two Thousand and One." " Wouldn't he be suspicious?" Harry asked.

Lauri said, " If he figures it out, we won't be in trouble and trust me when I say that Jake wouldn't tell a fly. Plus, I don't think he would be. I can be pretty odd sometimes." Harry laughed and Lauri asked, " What do you like to do, besides Qudditch?"

" I mostly hang out with Ron and Hermione. Ron and I play wizard's chess a lot," he told me and Lauri grinned. Harry asked, " Are you any good?" " As good as Dumbledore is at magic," she told him, and Harry's grin soon matched hers. " Ron is amazing, prides himself on being able to beat everyone." " Oh, we'll see about that," Lauri said, cackling her fake evil laugh which made Harry burst into laughter.

Then Lauri added, " I also paint." " You paint?" Harry asked in surprise, and she nodded. " I have an easel in our dorm. You don't have to worry about working on it though. I've been caught lately on what I want to do with it, so Su won't get suspicious."

" Are you and your brother close?" Harry asked. Lauri gave him an odd look, and he clarified, " I want to know if I should give him every little detail of my day and be all mushy or if I should just be casual." " Kind of a half-way point," she told him. " We're not mushy, but we are close."

Harry and Lauri spent the next two hours talking until the bell rang to signal the end of classes. Less than two minutes after the bell rang, Su managed to race into the Hospital Wing and tackle Harry in a hug. " Laur, are you okay? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have taken your book. It's all my fault…"

" It… It's okay," Harry said awkwardly patting her back. Lauri almost died of laughter until she felt herself tackled by a bushy-haired girl. " Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked. Ron came up behind her and said, " Give the man some room, Mione."

Hermione let go of Lauri and turned to where Su had let go of Harry and was now telling him the latest gossip about a fling between Eddie Carmichael and Brenda Flatts. " Lauri, are you okay?" Hermione and Lauri knew each other from Arithmacy, where they were partners.

" Um, yeah, thanks Hermione," Harry said, obviously unaware that Hermione knew Lauri. Ron tugged on her arm and said, " Dinner. Come on, Harry." " Okay," Lauri said, letting Ron drag her out of the Hospital Wing and down the hall. Glancing back one last time, Lauri saw Harry, looking rather nervous, as Su dragged him toward the Ravenclaw Tower.

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The Ravenclaw Common Room was amazing. The domed ceilings were absolutely breathtaking, and yet no one seemed shocked at the Common Room's beauty as they lounged around, reading books and talking. Su dragged Harry up the stairs and into the dormitory, which he realized was a lot nicer than the Gryffindor Boys, though he didn't know if it was all the girls' dorms or all the Ravenclaws' or just that one in particular.

" Okay, so when you and Harry Potter fainted…" " I'd prefer the term fell unconscious," Harry interrupted. Men don't faint, he told himself. Su gave him an odd look but said, " Okay. When you and Harry Potter _fell unconscious_…" " Thank you…" "… Kevin picked you up, and he was so gentle and heroic when he took you to the Hospital Wing. I'm not so sure he has a thing for Lisa anymore. I think he may have a thing for you, sweets," Su told Harry.

Unsure of how to react, Harry just sat there a minute, trying to place a good action for this news. " That's… cool?" he said, more asking than telling. Su gave him another odd look and said, " I know you're not into being girly, Laur, but this is great. If you and Kevin get together, you, me, Anthony, and Kevin can double date." " Yeah," Harry said, trying to feign enthusiasm.

" Oh, I give up, Lauri," Su said. " You'll never get a boyfriend if you keep up with this girl-that's-a-friend, thing. And don't give me that 'I don't want a boyfriend til I'm successful and on my feet' shit. You and Kevin would be an adorable couple."

Trying to ignore that he was just told he would be adorable dating a _guy_ , Harry said, " I'm hungry, aren't you, Su? Let's go down to dinner." " You know I'm on a diet, Laur," Su said. " Go ahead and rub it in, why don't you? I already had my grapefruit for the night. But go ahead. And if Kevin asks you out, don't refuse."

Su Li was on a diet? Harry thought, as he walked down to the Great Hall. Why? She was relatively thin, and Harry'd heard Seamus and Dean talk about how hot she was, but how her policy was Ravenclaws only. But then again, girls were weird like that sometimes. Sirius had told him that way too often…

SIRIUS! Oh crap! What if Sirius wrote him? Would it go to Lauri in his body or Harry in Lauri's body? What if Lauri read it? What if she turned Sirius in? What if he went back to Azkaban, or worse, got the Dementor's Kiss?

What if Harry had another dream about Voldemort? Would it happen to him or his body? Or if his scar started aching? Lauri would have to deal with that, and she wouldn't be ready.

Harry ran immediately to Dumbledore's office, but the Gargoyle refused to let him in. " Acid pops," Harry tried. The gargoyle didn't move. " Lemon Drops?" Again, no movement. " Bertie Botts," Harry guessed. The gargoyle didn't move, and for about three minutes, Harry sat there, sprouting off every kind of candy he knew, from magical to muggle.

" Fizzing Whizbees?" Harry tried finally, and sighed in relief when the door opened. Running up the stairs so fast he almost tripped over his feet, Harry didn't bother knocking as he ran into the room and saw happily that Remus and Sirius were in Dumbledore's office.

Running over to hug them, Harry exclaimed, " Hey Remus, hey Sirius." " Who are you?" Sirius asked, at the same time Remus asked, " Lauri?" Turning to Dumbledore, Harry said, " I take it that you haven't told them yet, have you?"

" Not quite," Dumbledore said. " What brings you here, right now?" " Well, I wanted to know if my mail would be sent to me or Lauri and if we could tell Lauri about Sirius because if he sent me letters, they might go to Lauri, and on my way here, I realized that I'm not sure who will have the Voldemort dreams, me or Lauri, and…"

Remus asked, " What are you talking about Lauri?" and Sirius asked, " What is going on?" Dumbledore turned to them and said, " Due to a little Potions mishap today, Lauren Dorny and Harry Potter switched bodies."

" Nice one, Albus," Sirius said after a minute. " Now, seriously, what's going on here?" " He is serious, Padfoot," Harry said, using his Marauder name to try to convince him. Sirius and Remus both looked at him in awe and Sirius said, " You're a girl." " No way, Sirius," Harry said sarcastically.

Sirius said, " At least you're a pretty girl," and Harry groaned. " Lauri is twenty years younger than you." " I never said I wanted to marry her," Sirius said. " I just pointed out, she, or you, now I guess, is not an ugly girl."

" I believe Miss Dorny has a right to know," Dumbledore said. He snapped his fingers and a house-elf appeared. " Zinky, please bring Mr. Harry Potter up to my office." " Of course, sir," Zinky said, popping off.

Harry shook his head and said, " It's so odd to hear her being addressed as me." " Wait until her monthlies come around," Sirius muttered, and Harry looked up in horror. " Wait, will that happen to me?" he asked Dumbledore, and Harry could have sworn Dumbledore turned a little pink.

" I believe so, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said. " You are now officially in Miss Dorny's body." " Oh hell," Harry murmured, and Remus said, " Language, cub." Remus had officially started calling him cub over the summer. They'd gotten pretty close, Remus, Sirius, and Harry.

A knock sounded on the door, and Dumbledore called, " Come in, Miss Dorny!"

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How was that? Please review. I have the second chapter finished and the third one almost, but I won't update until I get at least three reviews. Thanks!


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